Weekending

Any other crazy moms who tick checks their children constantly? Yup, that is me. All the time.  Especially after we spend time at Drumlin Farm, Josiah's favorite place on earth. Anyone else out there? Say it loud. Say it proud. The Year of the Tick 

The other night I  peeped my head into Josiah's room and found him sitting and looking through books at way-too-late o'clock. I appreciated this article.

Occasionally my sister and I chat about the {small} sizes of our houses.  At this point we are taking it all back. Our houses are huge! Perspective! Life inside coffin cubicles. 

Duchess Kate was at Wimbledon. Apparently, this look was divisive from hair to dress. I give is a thumbs up but I have talked to some who aren't sold.  Judge for yourselves.

In my pretend life where I go out and wear fancy things:
I've been drooling over this dress for weeks. It has pockets!!!!!!! (Its on sale!) Maybe I will sew my own version...eep!

Have fun loves. Go Crazy! Eat an extra slice of watermelon. I won't tell.
x Amy

I'm Back

tap...tap...tap... Is this thing on? 

I am not sure if anyone is there or if anyone was ever there. But, I am back.

Let's see how long it lasts. 

Anxiety? Intuition?

I started holding my breath as I shut the door to his room. It was one of those strange anxiety experiences when I could hear myself saying all the things we say before closing the door.  Goodnight pumpkin. God loves you and God made you special. Close your eyes and dream of something happy. I love you. 

He is a sound sleeper. I told myself. It is still light outside. He will be sound asleep by the time the fireworks start going off. 

Do you ever tell yourself something over and over again, hoping that you will believe it is true? Yup, I do.

I was crawling into bed that night and thinking we’ve done it. The fireworks started 30 minutes ago and I haven’t heard a peep. Happy Birthday America and thank goodness for my sound sleeper. It was after I’d settled in when I started to get that itchy, twitchy feeling. (It always comes AFTER I’ve settled in. Never before I am settled and comfortable. That would be entirely too much to ask, I’m sure.)

Josiah. I need to peep in. So I get out of bed and silently walk down the hallway to his bedroom door. I lightly touch the knob and turn it soundlessly and see him laying in bed, clutching his covers with those big wide eyes.

Pumpkin?

Its so loud, Momma. The noise is so loud. He whispers.

I crawl into his bed and he snuggles in. You keep me safe Momma. It isn’t a question. Its a statement. Its his truth and I am so thankful for that. I hold my sweet, sensitive boy close, feel his breathing, the weight of his head on my chest and we talk for awhile until he finally falls asleep.

To all the Mommas: Trust yourselves. Trust that inner voice pushes you out of bed after you are settled. The one that tells you something isn’t quite right, that your pumpkin isn’t quite right. That voice is you and you know your child. Trust yourself.

One Big Happy

I don’t know what the rest of my family would say, but for me, one of the most difficult pieces of life is living half a country away from one another. Of course, this was never the plan but how often does life really turn out the way we plan? Seriously? I’d love for you to tell me…

Yesterday many members of our family gathered to celebrate the 4th of July. I don’t know what your family is like but it never fails that when we gather together for a BIG Family gathering, the preparation is something like blowing up a balloon. It seems easy peasy but as “go time” gets closer that balloon gets pretty close to full and inevitably, a little of the stress leaks out. Finally, everyone arrives and our balloon exhales the air it was holding because none of the scurrying mattered quite as much it seemed in the first place. Thats the thing about family, the fanciness doesn’t really matter to them. The most important thing is laughing and hugging each other’s necks and sharing a bowl of ice cream. Go Team Double Vanilla!!!! 

We should pause here to tell the story. Years ago, when we were children…. Aleece do you remember when exactly? A ice cream divide began inside the family. And, lets be honest, we are serious about our ice cream. Anyway, there are currently two camps: Team Double Vanilla (Amy’s team) and Team Bluebell (Aleece’s team). Team Bluebell is the larger team but Team Double Vanilla is scrappy.

Anyway, we enjoyed burgers and ice-cream and all the fun and chaos of large family gatherings until, close to the end of the afternoon, we rolled around to the inevitable telling of the old family stories. These gatherings are comfortable and familiar and woven into the fabric that makes our lives. A few specific memories rise to the surface but mostly, they run together into a whirling, swirling blur of love and life.

Today, I am sitting in the middle of my messy house avoiding the overstuffed suitcases, dishes and piles of laundry and choosing to look at pictures from yesterday. The memories are so alive, I could reach out and touch them but, strangely, they have slipped into the past. Life is like that.

I am notoriously bad at taking pictures, a skill my son has inherited from me. Here is a bit of us from yesterday. All I can think of is how lucky we are to share all this love and laughter and noise with our littles.

Be gentle with yourselves today and take a moment to hug someone you love

xAmy

Today I took a walk

It was glorious to be outside.

The sidewalk was a familiar friend. We have traveled together on many occasions but today was different. We took some time to get reacquainted. Instead of hurrying, as I have done in the past, we we walked slowly together. She whispered secrets from the months of our separation. She told me of the house that has been bought and will be torn down and rebuilt. She told me of the changing of seasons as we passed the green grass, the flowers, and the children's bicycles abandoned on driveways next to sidewalk art. She promised to show my little boy all of the wonders of our neighborhood soon. But, for now, we simply walked together...content in our shared journey back to my front porch.

happy birthday Americal

The bed rest chronicles continue.

As part of our celebration of America, earlier today I took a nap. I did not intend to take a nap but I was overcome with sleepiness while reading.

When I woke up several hours later, I was very hungry for a hamburger (minus the ham), french fries and a chocolate shake. I tried to think about the cabbage salad in the fridge but it did not work. I knew what I wanted.

The great thing about being 823.5 weeks pregnant and spending 1/3rd of that time in bed is that your husband is willing to give you anything you want. So, I mention that I am craving the most unhealthy meal in the world and he says no problem. Where do you want to go? (He's a peach!)

We went to the Shake Shack. They can accomodate my being vegetarian and Josh's being gluten free AND, most importantly, they have chocolate shakes. We've never eaten there but I felt confident in the choice for the chocolate shake since its pretty much in their name.

I intended to take pictures of my delicious food to share but by the time we got there, ordered and they brought our food to us, my stomach was pretty much eating itself from the inside out. I was 2/3 of the way through the meal when I thought to take a picture. I thought about it for 1.2987325 seconds before I took another bite of food and moved on. I will just have to trust that you have seen burgers, fries, and chocolate shakes before in your life. If not, please crawl out from under the rock where you have been living and go experience real life.

Happy Birthday America!

Love,
Amy

a thought or two at the end of a pregnancy

The bed rest looms and seems to stretch into infinity. It truly is a strange feeling because the bed rest seems endless. The pregnancy seems endless even as I am acutely aware the end is approaching. I can feel my body gearing up for the birth of my sweet boy. My back has begun to ache. My right leg feels as if it has been dislodged from its socket. My pelvis...well lets just say if one considered doing the splits over a crate of dynamite this 4th of July, I advise against it. Strangely...or perhaps not so strangely, there is a twinge of sorrow that accompanies this new, approaching reality. Even considering the months and months and months of endless nausea and vomiting. Even considering the weeks and weeks of bed rest as I laid as still as possible praying this little boy would not be born, praying our little boy would have his best chance at life, there is something of a sadness in the coming change. Up until now, he has been mine...all mine. I have been the one who has cared for him, my body has been the one that has fed him and cradled him and sheltered him. He hears my voice echoing in his ears and my hands rubbing against his sweet little body. For months and months and months, this little boy has been mine and when he is born, I have to share him with the world.

That is not to say that I will not be glad to share him. That is not to say that I will not be glad to hold him close and touch him and watch his daddy hold him close.

It is only to say, things are changing. It is only to say, I love you baby boy and I will see you on the other side.